The Amazing Flying Cat Ball

If you've never seen two huge male cats in a tussle, let me tell you, it is an awesome thing to behold.

Our new cat, Teddy, the big bruiser of a tabby, has not been getting along with Earl, the gigantic white meatloaf of a cat who came with this house that we're renting. Some of the time they just engage in growling or hissing contests and leave it at that.

Sometimes they do their version of a Worldwide Wrestling Federation showdown.

The other day I was down on my knees cleaning up beside the bed where my books were all scattered about. Teddy was down at my level. In a sudden flash of white, I saw Earl launch himself through the air at Teddy. The next thing I knew, this awe-inspiring, whirling dervish feline tornado was crashing around the room.

The two of them were locked together, and there was no pulling them apart. Tom and I have already made that mistake in the past. One time, Tom tried to pull them apart with his hands and lost about eighteen layers of skin on his forearms. Another time, I thought I was being smart when I attempted to dislodge them from each other with my foot. (I was wearing a shoe and thick socks. I thought I was safe.)

I still have the puncture holes on my calf from that little incident.

So, basically, the rule of thumb is DON"T ATTEMPT TO SEPARATE THE FLYING BALL OF CATS unless you want to immediately head to the hospital for a skin graft.

This time, Earl and Teddy soared around the room for a while, and I just cussed for a bit, telling them to stop. This didn't work, either.

I watched the movements of the cat ball. It was a strange thing to behold, as the cat ball seemed to create its own vortex and defy gravity. I felt like I was watching a Tweety and Sylvester cartoon, or perhaps Tom and Jerry, with the images all sped up.

They were a blur of motion, first up, then down, then seemingly in the air, then moving side to side. If I tried to draw a diagram of their movements, it would look kind of like a play from a football team, with different full body tackles happening at different angles.

Eventually, the cat ball ended, and this powerful force of nature subsided.

Neither cat seemed the worse for wear, in spite of all that impressive action. Teddy was missing some tufts of fur, but he didn't even have a scratch on him.

The next time The Amazing Flying Cat Ball takes place, I am determined to make myself some popcorn, pull up a seat, and watch the show.

That's really all you can do. The two of them are going to have to resolve their "issues" on their own.

Unless Dr. Phil makes house calls for feline emergencies. I'll have to look into that.

lipstickmystic@comcast.net